The Backward Slide
Remind me how this works again?
“The Six of Swords represents moving away from past troubles, putting them behind you. It marks the beginning of a new phase after a time of upheaval.—Skye Alexander, The Modern Witchcraft Book of Tarot
Deck: TAROT OF THE DIVINE by Yoshi Yoshitani
Sadly, the Backward Slide is not a trendy new TikTok dance unless you’re a slightly past-middle-aged woman constantly wondering why you can’t get your life on track.
If this is you, then brava! Read on. And if it’s not you…maybe read on anyway. Because you never know when the Backward Slide will be your new favorite dance move, regardless of where you are in life.
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You have a long period (or maybe not so long) of “good” choices, sustained productivity, and active nurturing of your relationships. Everything is going to plan! You are living your best life!
And then boom. Something (or maybe nothing) happens, and you return to your “bad” choices, sporadic productivity, and anti-social behavior. Your Backward Slide might look different depending on your specific tendencies, but basically, you retreat to behavior that comes more naturally to you, and chaos ensues. The slide might be immediate or gradual, but at some point, you realize you’re not in a great place.
Welcome to my life!
For a long time, I considered these up-and-down cycles the result of flaws in my character. I wasn’t disciplined enough. I don’t want “it” enough. I have no ambition. And so forth. It’s entirely possible that all of these things are true about me—as I grow older, I’m much better at determining what’s really important and what’s just fluff. But I’m not talking about that. I’m referring to the things I’ve defined as priorities in my life.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve come to understand that beating myself up about something that is simply a part of how I function isn’t healthy. It certainly doesn’t help. Calling the natural rhythms of my existence “flaws” automatically puts me at a disadvantage. And if I’m already struggling, shouldn’t I accept that these patterns, while not ideal, are just part of who I am, neither good nor bad?
These were the things on my mind when I pulled the Six of Swords card this morning. For the record, it’s been months since I pulled a tarot card, but as you can see above, I’m a little off my game. It’s October 1, and my crappy summer is over, so it feels like a good time for renewal. Here we go.
The Suit of Swords
A brief reminder: Swords govern thoughts, reason, perception, and mental health, among other things relating to the mind. Like the blade of a sword, our minds can be sharp—seeing our lives with clarity. They can also be dulled by confusion, delusion, and misinformation. The Swords suit reminds us that our minds can be tricksters. Don’t fall for it.
The Six of Swords
The representation of the Six of Swords Yoshi Yoshitani offers in the TAROT OF THE DEVINE deck is Danaë and her son, Perseus, escaping from her father, Acrisius of Argos, who casts them into the sea in a wooden chest because he fears his grandson will grow up to kill him. According to Yoshitani, “The Six of Swords represents leaving behind tumultuous waters for a future that is calm and promising.”
Given my state of mind these last few months, I’m not sure I could’ve pulled a more appropriate card this morning. A series of non-catastrophic but nonetheless disheartening events started in May, and my mental state deteriorated as a result. I let many of my wellness practices fall by the wayside, and I’m feeling the impact of that. I should note that I’m fine—I’m not even particularly depressed. But I do need a hard reset.
Back to the Six of Swords.
In The Modern Witchcraft Book of Tarot, Skye Alexander writes that the Six of Swords “upright” suggests smooth sailing ahead. The troubles you’ve had have given you wisdom and, hopefully, some clarity, empowering you to make better and more considered choices. “Reversed,” the card indicates an unwillingness or an incapability to escape a troubling situation.
I’m somewhere in between at the moment.
The thing is, life comes at you, one way or another. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, oftentimes, not within our control. The only thing we can control (and I know you know this) is our response. I can’t change what’s happening (or not happening), but I can take steps to make healthier choices to improve outcomes. By changing what’s happening internally, I can protect myself somewhat from what’s happening externally.
The question for me is, “Am I ready to do the work?” I wish I could give you an emphatic “Yes!” but if I did, I’d be misrepresenting where I’m at. I’d say I’m on the cusp of being ready. Maybe not ready to get in that wooden crate and paddle to the other shore, but dipping my toe into the water to check the temperature.
Pull the tarot card. Journal about its significance. Write the substack. Each step brings me closer to where I was last year at this time, when I was feeling better about myself and where I was at. Go to the gym. Eat the vegetables. Call a friend. Drink the good wine. Buy the best cheese. Lick the best ice cream.
What? Did you think I wasn’t going to have some fun with this?
I no longer consider the dips in my cycles a flaw, even when I resist taking action to pull myself out of them. Sometimes, friends, I let myself wallow. It could even be that wallowing is my comfort zone—I’m not proud of that, but recognizing it is important. It’s okay if I’m a low-energy person. I don’t have to be a go-getter.
The key for me is understanding my natural rhythms and working with them to move forward. So, maybe this reset isn’t as hard as I need, but it is a step in the right direction. I’m fine with that.
I’ll see you again soon.
Things I’ve liked recently:
A Week of Outfits—A bookstore and clothes. What more do you need?
The Greatest Passage in Crime Fiction—Do you agree? Also, when friends have good news (see bottom of post), you want everybody to know about it.
The Housemaid series by Frieda McFadden. Folks, these books probably aren’t going to win any awards, but they’re fast-paced reads that engage your mind even when your ability to concentrate is low. I ripped through them this summer.
Memes I’ve shared this week:
One more thing: Friends, I won an Anthony Award last month! More accurately, the anthology I edited last year, Killin’ Time in San Diego, won the Anthony Award, and, as its editor, I got to take it home. It’s a good reminder that great things can happen even when life, in general, is a little bit sucky. Don’t forget to count those wins!
Hope you all have a great day.
Hollyxx
Holly, you express this so well. I have been feeling like this too, and know we can support each other into getting in that boat and setting off for a calmer shore.
I feel you on this. Even medicated and in therapy it’s still a challenge not to view stuff like this as personal flaws. But we struggle on. Journaling has been a great outlet for me to process a lot of this stuff instead of letting it just sit in my brain and rot everything around it.