Six of Coins (Pentacles)—The Greatest Kindness

Tarot Tuesday

“Today is about practicing radical empathy.” —Sam Sifton

Deck: TAROT OF THE DIVINE: A DECK AND GUIDEBOOK INSPIRED BY DEITIES, FOLKLORE, AND FAIRY TALES FROM AROUND THE WORLD, by Yoshi Yoshitani

The Woman Who Was Kind to Insects

The Six of Coins (also known as Pentacles) is about showing kindness and generosity to those who are less fortunate. In this deck, the image chosen to represent it is from “The Woman Who Was Kind to Insects,” an Inuit fable from Alaska: An old woman is abandoned by her family, left with only a few insects to eat. She decides not to eat them because she is old and they are perhaps young—some of them might even be children. She’d rather starve.

Shortly after her family leaves, a fox enters her hut and begins biting her. She thinks it wants to kill her, but instead, all her old skin falls away, revealing new skin beneath it, transforming her into an attractive young woman. The grateful insects had asked their friend, the fox, to rid her of her old skin.

Kindness, generosity, and paying it forward. Fairness and equality. Understanding that we must put positivity into the world to receive it back. Could there be a better card for this holiday season? Maybe there is—I haven’t memorized them all—but this one fits well enough, so I’ll go with it.

Traditionally, the Six of Coins encourages us to be charitable to those in need, but it also speaks to the relief that assistance can bring when you are the recipient. The balance can change at any time—even if you are financially secure, there will be times when you need the help and support of others. Be humble and mindful, no matter where you fall on the scale.

Lately, I’ve realized that the greatest kindness I can offer others (beyond material assistance) is to accept them as they are. To let them be themselves with no judgment or criticism. I’m slowly letting go of the fixed but arbitrary “rules” I’ve set for myself and others and I’m finding greater peace of mind as a result.

And what does greater peace of mind mean? It means I have more room for the creative thinking that sustains me and my writing, which is the point of all of this.

On Thanksgiving morning, Sam Sifton (quoted above) wrote in his New York Times Cooking newsletter, “Today is about accepting things as they are, not as you wish them to be.” He continued, “You are not going to change anyone’s mind or behavior today, and that’s all right.” He closed by saying, “Today is about practicing radical empathy.”

I never expected to get life advice from a cooking newsletter, but there you go. I looked up the term “radical empathy” and learned that one of its definitions is to “actively strive for a better understanding of others’ feelings. To fundamentally change our perspectives from judgemental to accepting in an attempt to connect with ourselves and others more authentically.”

Radical empathy is something I have to work at, but it gets easier with practice. One exercise that’s been effective is to practice non-judgment when I’m people-watching. When I started tuning into my thoughts as I gazed at strangers coming and going, I realized how negative many of them were. So much snark! Nobody was safe from my quiet judgment, from their clothes to their weight to their possible political leanings. Silent criticism is still criticism, and it’s poison, slowly killing off tiny bits of our spirit and minimizing others’ humanity in the process.

I’m not sure why my thoughts default to negativity so often, but it’s a bad habit I’m determined to break. I try to catch myself and reframe them into something positive or, at least, neutral. Extending kindness to strangers in this way helps me treat myself more kindly, too. If I’m in the habit of giving others grace, granting it to myself comes more naturally.

This gets harder regarding personal values, but I remind myself that I can’t control others’ thoughts, feelings, or actions. I can passionately disagree with someone, but I can’t change them. In these cases, I have a decision to make—look for and appreciate any shared values we might have, or limit/end my interaction with them. Often, I end up doing a little bit of both.

As I write this, it occurs to me that most people probably don’t need to work so hard at being kind. I feel like I need to insist I’m a nice person, really! I just have… issues. But we all have things we’d like to work on, and this is one of mine. I accept that about myself.

See? It’s already working. I started this paragraph being down on myself but turned it into something more neutral. You get the idea. So, along with any material gift-giving you do this season, consider the non-material gifts you can also give. Make them a regular part of your life. Because, like the old woman who is transformed due to her kindness, you, too, can be transformed, even if it’s simply the good feeling you get from being generous in your thoughts.

These are lessons we’ve all learned, probably from a young age. Do unto others, live and let live. But as life wears us down, we forget these simple lessons. We don’t acquire effective coping skills and we lash out, seeking to control what isn’t ours to control. Or, we judge others because we’ve been judged ourselves and it’s what we know, so we fall back on it.

The Six of Coins reminds us it doesn’t have to be this way. Giving the gift of non-judgment to others will help you stop judging yourself. Extending kindness to others will help you extend it to yourself.

I can’t think of a better present.

Tuesday Recommendations

1. Lately, the advanced reading copies (ARCs) I’ve received are really killing it. Yesterday, I finished Amina Akhtar’s ALMOST SURELY DEAD (I mentioned I was reading it last week). Amina says it's her most personal novel yet, and after reading it, I’m impressed with how she wove the supernatural elements into the story. I couldn’t guess the ending before it was revealed, which is always a good thing.
   
   Now I’m reading Nadine Nettmann’s THE BOOTLEGGER’S DAUGHTER and I’m loving this story even more than I thought I would. I’m sure I’ll have more to say about it when I’m finished, but I really think Nadine knocked it out of the park.
   

2. I’ve already seen some mentions of Jordan Harper’s recent story in SOUTHWEST REVIEW in others’ Substacks, but I’m adding it here because “My Savage Year” deserves all the shout-outs.