January Performance Review
Looking back at the first month of 2024
Happy Friday, friends! This is your weekly reminder to set your timer for 25 minutes and get to work on a creative project (after you finish reading this newsletter). You’ll feel better, I promise.
I often say that fall is my favorite season, and October is my favorite month. The temperature finally begins dropping, and Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are right around the corner. Plus, my wedding anniversary is in October, a date I picked because—you guessed it—it was in the fall. There’s just so much to look forward to in those last three months of the year.
If I had to pick my least favorite month, I think it would be August. I hate dry, hot weather, and that’s all we get in August. September, too, but it gets a pass because it’s so close to October. So, I’m calling it: August is the worst month.
But what of January? Though it’s the beginning of the calendar year, it’s really a mid-season month and the weather reflects that. I prefer cold, rainy weather, though my English ex-pat husband swears I’d rethink that if I lived full-time in a cold, gloomy climate. He refuses to move back to the UK, mostly because of the weather. I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree on that.
I didn’t intend to discuss the weather in this post but as so often happens, I got distracted. They say you should never begin your novel with a discussion of the weather; perhaps the same is true of newsletters.
I think of my day-to-day life in terms of quarters, similar to how companies divide their fiscal year. When I started doing this a couple of years ago, my own “fiscal year” began in January, but it didn’t quite work because, coming off the holiday season, it was hard for me to get that fresh start feeling I desperately needed. The holidays are busy enough without trying to wrap up the year’s tasks, and if the first quarter of the upcoming year is in January, planning for it during December seems like madness.
My college bestie works in the legal department of an international software company and her workload is largely dictated by quarters. Ends of quarters, especially the last quarter of the year, means longer-than-usual hours for her. She once mentioned their fiscal year begins in February, not January, which made so much sense to me that I re-defined my own work year.
January is now the first month of my fourth quarter. Since it’s also the beginning of a new calendar year, it naturally gives me a burst of fresh-start motivation, but it’s more a desire to end the year strong than a beginning. This gives me January, February, and March to close out my work year and plan for the first quarter of the next.
So, how has January gone so far? It’s not quite ended yet, but since this is the last newsletter of the month, I’m assessing it now. I started 2024 with tremendous creative energy, which I hope to sustain throughout the year. Much of this drive is based on my moods, and toward the end of December, the clouds that hung over me for so much of 2023 finally lifted. I’m not sure why, though my low-level depression might’ve been due to hypothyroidism, which I learned I had shortly after I had my stroke. It took awhile for those meds to kick in, but maybe they finally did.
To be clear, I still suffer from depression, but for the first time in a very long while, I feel somewhat “normal.”
My biggest problem now is my focusing all that creative energy. For example, I want desperately to work on the interior design of my house, which has typically been an amazing creative outlet for me. I had no motivation for it in 2023 (I’m sure my husband was happy about that), so the fact that it’s back makes me very happy. Honestly, it’s all I want to do at the moment.
But my WIP, which I consider my real work, is one of my three main priorities for the year, and I’m determined to finish it. I’m increasingly distracted by my desire to do other things that yield more immediate gratification, but who isn’t? I try to look at my goals as an umbrella. Writing makes up the protective fabric of that umbrella, the thing that is most important to maintaining my emotional well-being. And though there’s not much money in it, it represents the primary way I earn an income. Every other creative pursuit is a hobby.
I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I’m continuing to make slow but steady progress on my novel, and seeing it all come together gives me joy and satisfaction I haven’t experienced in years.
Healthwise, I’ve seen tangible improvement in the areas that needed it most. A lot of that is due to the new medications prescribed after my stroke, but I’m also making big changes on my own. I hate to say it, but the most significant change is giving up alcohol. It’s Dry January, so it hasn’t been hard, but what choices will I make in February and beyond? I try not to think about that—there’s a reason why one of AA’s mottos is “one day at a time.”
I’ve also re-joined a gym, and to start with, I’ve committed to three days a week. This feels like the minimum I can do while still reaping the benefits of regular exercise, specifically strength training. I’m convinced that strength training is one of the best things aging people can do for themselves. I’m fortunate to have years of training under my belt with a top-notch trainer, but I had to quit in June because of a back injury. Doing it on my own is not easy because I relied so much on my trainer for support, but becoming independent in this regard is an important step for me.
What can I say? If the rest of 2024 looks anything like this month has, it will be the best year I’ve had in a very long time. There’s no way to know, but I’m determined to take control of what I can and let go of the rest.
Most people have jobs and other responsibilities that dictate large portions of their time. I’m fortunate to have much more flexibility than the average person, and I’m grateful for that. But my almost total freedom causes me near-constant existential angst. It’s something I’ve battled for twenty-five years.
You might say, “Well, if it’s such a big problem, Holly, get a f**king job.” Believe me; I tell myself that all the time. And maybe I will if I find one I’m qualified for, and it seems like it will be a good fit (it would probably help if I were actively looking for one, which I’m not).
But for good or bad, this is my life, and I want to make my mark, however small it is. Adding structure to it through schedules, yearly and quarterly goals, and saying “yes” to more opportunities has helped give me purpose. Treating my writing, which, as I said above, earns me very little money, as a proper job is also helpful.
My trickster mind often gets in the way, telling me I’ll never make anything of myself and that I’m not qualified to do anything. That the structure I’ve manufactured for myself is fake and doesn’t matter. Well, so what if that’s true? If it helps me feel more productive and purposeful, isn’t that enough?
For now, it has to be. And I say that with no regret or sadness. It’s simply the way things are.
I didn’t mean to end this on a melancholy note. I’m not the least bit melancholy at the moment. I write these confessionals to purge myself of the negative stuff, but I also hope that something I say might prompt or encourage others if they feel stuck.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Holly xx
P.S. There’s nobody I want to make out with at my gym, but God, I love this post by Orlando Soria.